The Power of Prayer

I was not told much about my most recent surgery before the day of. I knew it was complicated to schedule two surgical teams for one timeframe. I knew there were some unpredictables but I never imagined that standing at the check-in desk, at 5:30 in the morning, the day of surgery the clerk would casually tell me that they booked the operating room for eleven and a half hours. My eyes must have bugged out of my head because my friend, Jen E., who was my support person, asked me “Are you ok?” 

No, I was not ok. I had worked hard for weeks before this surgery to ride the razors edge of feeling, processing, coping, managing and generally not losing my shit. That little nugget  of information was a sucker punch on a highwire. Jen E. and I sat down in the waiting area until they called my name to go back. She was so delicately checking in with me as I sat in the strangely beautiful blue upholstered privacy chair with a high back and high sides facing the window to the courtyard. It was in that little cave chair that I expressed that the surprise she saw on my face was absolute unedited fear. 

Back in the pre-surgical area I was on the gurney – stripped and gowned. Jen E. was at my side as the parade of nurses, aides, doctors and others came to my bedside to say hello, to poke me with a needle or to ask me the same questions the last three people asked me. 

There was a brief point where it was just Jen E. and I in my curtained parking spot. I turned my head to look at her and I said “I’m scared”, I think I might have whispered it but I don’t quite remember, and then I started to cry. She consoled me like the beautiful human she is, holding my hand and listening. She didn’t say anything outright that I remember, but I think she was scared for me too. 

To lighten the thick medical energy, Jen E. asked a couple of doctors what their hobbies were. They were taken aback at the personal inquiry at first but with a bit of coaxing their shoulders would relax and they would share. One fella showed us a photo of his dog. Another surgeon was getting married the following Saturday and showed us a photo of him and his fiancé hiking. It was a beautifully leveling move by Jen E.. It humanized these people that were about to spend the day in my insides. For me, it took the edge off of my fear in a lovingly curious way, drawing in and connecting with those who were literally about to have my life in their hands.

Then there was a moment that I felt all of the people that were thinking about me that morning. The family and friends, prayer circles from varied denominations, protections being sent to me by my witchy folk, social media acquaintances, and complete strangers. All that love, like a pinkish, red and white swirl, floated above my body like a layer of ozone. Lying on that gurney waiting, I envisioned reaching up and scooping that love from the ozone cloud of thoughts and prayers and pulling it close to my body like a woobie. It was in that moment that I truly felt and understood the power of prayer in every cell of my body. With all those folks sending me their energy and protection how could it not go well? And the beauty of it is, that if something did happen to not go right, I also knew everything would be alright because my community is amazing.

With that knowledge, I was rolled back for what ended up being a nine-hour successful surgery followed up by an epic nine days in the hospital. My cancer was removed and my abdominals are fixed! I am now home and recovering well. I am taking it slow, watching silly amounts of tv with my dog snuggled up at my side.